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January 5, 2020

How to forgive yourself for the dumb things you did this past decade

As we enter this new year, I reflect on cherished memories of all the wonderful decisions, opportunities and experiences this decade held for me. I encourage you to do the same. But I can’t help but remember some of the really dumb things I have done.

Some are funny like the time I accidentally mailed my mom’s birthday gift to myself. I was so confused when I got it in the mail a few days later. Some embarrassing, like when I introduced everyone on stage except my daughter’s godfather at Siggy’s baby dedication. Some are downright painful to remember, like the time I yelled at my son and embarrassed him in front of his friends at the zoo. But I do remember them all, and I am thankful for the lessons. Despite the fails, I can honestly say that there were more wins than fails and I am proud of the woman I am now, compared to the woman of 2010.

I think of the trials that were so difficult to get through, that have made me stronger. I think of the wins, like the day all my kids had major events on different sides of California. I was exhausted by the end of the day, but I made every single one of them! I think about catching my daughter after giving birth to her, because the doctor was out of the room. How amazing I felt giving birth to her. I think of all the times I showed up for my family and I showed up for my clients, and they overshadow all the times that I didn’t. 

I am always amazed at this time of year how quickly people are ready to kick this year to the curb and get on to the next one – as if another number and another day is going to completely change their life. It won’t. What changes your life is you and your decisions, your consistency and your dedication. But new years are wonderful points to mark the progress and trajectory of your life. They are a great time to reflect and a time to determine to change.

How to maintain change

The only way we are truly able to maintain change is through our self talk and our ability to forgive our old self and move forward. Just a reminder, everything in your past was done by your old self. You are not that person anymore, because you have changed. Check out these six tips to forgive yourself and maintain the changes that you’ve made. 

1. You can not judge your past self with the wisdom of today

We all know that hindsight is 2020-which makes it darn easy to kick yourself for the dumb things you’ve done. But when you were doing those dumb things you probably did the best you could, with whatever was going on in your life at the time. Stop judging. You’re a wiser, smarter person than you were before.

2. Stop punishing yourself

This next tip is super important for 2020. We are taught that our bad behaviour has consequences. If we feel we have done something wrong and we don’t feel that we have been appropriately punished, we may try to punish ourselves on a subconscious level. I see people punishing themselves all the time! This comes out as sabotage, quitting, procrastinating, pushing people away, etc.

Don’t punish yourself. You are not God. Let him take care of it. He’s much more forgiving than you are. So, as you move into next year, think about all the ways that you punish yourself for not being perfect and give it to God. Determine that you will treat yourself as well as you treat other fallible humans. If you are struggling with this- you need to take my self talk course coming out in January. You can read more about this through this link.

3. Ask for forgiveness

If you know you have wronged someone, don’t let 2019 slip away without asking for forgiveness. And I will tell you exactly how to do this. Say these simple words:

You have been on my mind. I know that I have hurt you. I  want you to know how very sorry I am. I will do everything I know to do to make sure this never happens again. Then tell them that their friendship, partnership or family status means the world to you.

4. Forgive yourself

You can forgive yourself, even if other people are not willing to forgive you. Your forgiveness is not contingent on anyone else’s forgiveness of you. This is hard because if someone else is still hurting, you probably feel like you should be as well. It’s okay to feel hurt, but also forgive yourself at the same time.

5. See the silver lining

You may have done something stupid like blown your entire savings on a cosmetic procedure that didn’t even make you feel any better. It’s hard to find the good that has come from the bad, but it’s there. You just have to uncover it; try to see the silver lining.

6. Change your self talk

Lastly, you’ve got to change your self talk. Change your story. This is why I created a self talk program- because everything boils down to your self talk. The entire outcome of our life is determined by what we say to ourselves. You’ve got to get in control to begin to feel the momentum in your life that you want to experience. Don’t think I’m not aware of how much easier this is said than done, but our moments of brilliance wouldn’t loop shine so bright if it weren’t for our failures.

There may be some doozies for you this past year, or this past decade. As we step onto the precipice of a new year, may you shed all the negativity, all the shame, all the self doubt and walk with the openness, vulnerability and excitement of someone who has never fallen, but with the wise. determined steps of a battle tested soldier.

You had some award winning wins, and you probably had some devastating failures over the past decade. Let’s honour those wins, and take them right into 2020! And let’s put those failures to death. 

 

You can click here to purchase my new you self talk course that dives deep into the origin of your self talk, how to change it and keep it changed – for less than the cost of a therapy session with me! 

 

Would you like to listen to this post? Click here to listen to the podcast version! Enjoy!

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