I remember being a young newlywed and I was young- 19 when I got married. My husband is significantly older than I am and he had a close friend in her 40’s. She was divorcing her husband of 20 years. I remember thinking: How could someone divorce after that long? I immediately thought, what does that mean for my marriage? …
When You Compare Your Relationship and Yours Comes Up Short
I used to be that girl who felt jealous of other’s relationships. You know, THOSE couples who finish each other’s sentences, do everything together, say they never fight, are truly the best of friends – maybe even wear matching outfits on vacations- are joined at the hip and say they wouldn’t want it any other way. The ones who make …
What To Do When Your Partner Triggers You
What is a trigger anyway? What To Do When Your Partner Triggers You Basically, you can’t live in this world without collecting some wounds. Experiences of being unheard, devalued, deceived, criticized, or betrayed are examples of these wounds. Once you’ve been wounded, you are often on the lookout (something we call hyper-vigilant) to make sure that you don’t get hurt …
When You and Your Partner Disagree on a Big Issue
Do you and your partner disagree on a big issue? Maybe he’s a republican, you’re a democrat. Maybe he thinks COVID is a scam and you are fearful of your health. Maybe he doesn’t care about the movement and you consider yourself an ally- or maybe it’s another pretty big issue. What do you do when you and your otherwise …
Why Strong Women Stay in Bad Relationships
Today I’m talking about why smart, strong women stay in LOW-quality relationships and what you can do about it. I’m not talking about physically abusive relationships, although some low-quality relationships do have some verbal or emotional abuse. I’m talking about relationships that aren’t good for you, that you know you don’t deserve, ones where you know you should be treated …
The 4 Communication Styles That Predict Divorce
Did you know that the issues in your marriage have little to do with the health of your marriage? It’s not too surprising because I always talk about self-talk and how important it is. Well, guess what? The way you talk to your spouse is just as important as your own self-talk when it comes to the long term viability …
Are You Romanticizing Your Relationship?
I love Dr. Maya Angelou’s quote “When people show you who they are- believe them”. It’s so good because most issues we have in relationships are that people will tell us who they are, but we decide to create a romanticized version of them instead. This gets us into trouble because when we interact with a fantasy of our partner, …
It’s the things you don’t say that damage your relationship
The things we don’t say in relationships are the things that get us in the most trouble. Common knowledge is that it’s the words that slip out of our mouths that get us into the biggest trouble. But I’m flipping the script today. It’s those little hurts left unsaid. He forgets to say goodbye when he leaves in the morning. …
When You Feel Insecure In Your Relationship
You would think that after you have been married, your insecurity about your relationship should dissipate. That the longer you stay together, it should resolve itself. Unfortunately, I have not seen this to be the case. Granted, I know that my view may be skewed. People who are happy and secure in their marriages don’t show up at my door. …
To The Woman In A Difficult Relationship
‘I think I’ll marry a difficult guy and have a difficult relationship…’ said no one ever. And yet, several women in my practice, my friends, and acquaintances find themselves in difficult relationships. There’s this book by Mira Kirshenbaum- “Too Good To Leave, Too Bad To Stay.” It’s supposed to help a woman make a decision about staying in or leaving …