If you learn to let go, your life will take off. The idea of letting things go in our life sounds so sad, but I’m going to address these one by one, because it is actually the holding on that...
January 23, 2025
I help women overcome Complex Shame™ and co-dependency so they can experience healthy love and freedom.
READ MOREIf you learn to let go, your life will take off.
The idea of letting things go in our life sounds so sad, but I’m going to address these one by one, because it is actually the holding on that is sad, not the letting go.
Why is perfect so hard to let go of when it is completely unattainable? Ahh, I think that’s a whole other episode or blog post, so we will not dissect the why here today, but just work on acceptance that good enough is good enough. There is no perfect. As you will hear today, I will be talking a lot about acceptance. There is a saying that Forgiveness is letting go of the hope of a better past. I think that’s acceptance is letting go of a better present. When you can let go of a better present you get to enjoy this moment, this creation, this encounter right now- even though it’s not perfect. It’s not perfect, but it is beautiful. Perfectionism is a screen that blocks our view of all the good and it only sees the flaws.
You know my mantra, we’re not fixing them, we’re fixing you and that changes everything. I’m going to do a whole episode in a few weeks regarding what to do when your people or your partner won’t change. And although it will be a whole episode of words, I can boil it down to – you accept them for who they are. You accept all the people in your life for who they are and then you get to decide how you will change, what boundaries you need to erect, where they belong in your sphere of influence if they still belong in your life. We waste so much time and energy trying to change people in our life when if we just accepted who they are and how they choose to show up, we could live a more engaged life. How about starting doing that now? You know that person that keeps doing that thing and it drives you crazy? Guess what? They’re going to keep doing it. So you no longer need to be surprised or upset by it, just create new systems in your life to care for your and keep you safe. You can let go of changing them.
Embracing the benefits of a life well lived. Oh my goodness. I will confess to my vanity – something we all have to some extent. Because of mine, it is getting harder and harder to go in front of a camera these days because what I see is not myself as I know myself to be, but an older woman looking back at me on the screen. This year has wisdomned me in the most beautiful of ways. I am turning half a century old in February and I am so proud of that and equally trepidatious about the physical changes I will see in this next half century of my life. AND so, with the beautiful gifts of wisdom and boy are those gifts good! There is some necessary letting go of the benefits of youth.
Acceptance is a beautiful place when you stop fighting against it. And I’m not saying stop fighting it in a give up kind of way. I am so about taking the very best care of my body and mind, psyche- the whole nine yards. I am not giving up on health and longevity by no means, I am learning to let go of a body that doesn’t gain weight, that has no aches and pains, that I can kind of abuse and it keeps functioning well, I am learning to let go of a spirit and psyche that hasn’t been injured and I am learning to love this new version of me that is frankly stronger, more powerful, more present, more determined, more grounded and more purposeful. And I invite you to do the same, whatever age you are. My prayer is that as I continue to let go of what was and grasp the present, that I will look back in a couple of decades at this young almost 50 year old and smile at how little she knew and how far she has come. I can only do that if I am willing to let go of some of the benefits of youth and embrace the benefits of a life well lived.
I will talk about the dreams I have lost. I have been ambitious since I started walking at 8 months old. When I was a little girl, I wanted to be Miss America, but I was not a pageant girl and life took me on a different course. When I was an adolescent and found myself in a crisis pregnancy, I dreamed of keeping my baby, but there was no real way for me to do that and I had to place her for adoption. Later, I dreamed of winning a gold Medal in the Olympics. Although I did compete at track and field at a high level, and I even medaled in the Junior Olympics, I never qualified for the Olympics. That dream also had to die. I had a dream of having healthy children, but my first daughter was born with a multitude of health issues and a genetic disorder that meant she would never live a normal life. I dreamed of being the perfect mom. HA! Life took care of that one. I dreamed that I would stay married to my husband until death did we part.
God also had a different plan for my life. Even as I talked about all of the dreams that I have had to let go over the course of my life and it may have sparked you to think of some of yours, there are so many dreams that have come true. I have 5 beautiful children that I am in a relationship with, I have a beautiful home in Southern California. My dream of becoming an author has found itself a home. I have an education and a career and life I have built for myself, that despite lost dreams, I absolutely love! And guess what? I’m still dreaming. If I wasn’t able to let go of the dreams that were not part of my purpose, I wouldn’t be able to live out a life I love and I would struggle to dream about my future. And I have some big, big dreams, that I believe are based more on wisdom and purpose than the ones of my youth. When we begin to let go of dreams, it can feel like we are losing a part of ourselves and that feels so very scary, but when we leave behind who we believe ourselves to be, we get to reveal who we truly are purposed to be and we gain something more beautiful.
We can be multifaceted people, I am a multifaceted person, woman, mother, partner, influencer, Christian. I often get caught up in the idea of I have to stay in a lane because I am a professed- whatever- Christian, relationship expert, but those lanes constrict me, and the lanes that you imagine you need to stay in constrict you too. We stay in these lanes because you worry about what others might think of you. What happens if you let that go? This last couple of years has been a letting go for me. Instead of questioning what will other people think of me, My question is: What is my opinion of my myself? How will I think of myself if I post that, say that, say that, or respond that way? What do I think of myself that I have that opinion or am questioning this doctrine? What do I think of myself if I make this choice? How about we let go of other’s opinions and stick with our own? And it’s not that I am too stuck in my ways that I can’t consider other’s opinions. Actually, it’s the opposite.
Please feel free to tell me yours. If it makes sense to me, I just might adapt it. My work is to not allow your thoughts of me to shame me into hiding myself, shrinking, questioning, or changing who I am or how I show up in the world. The practice of letting go of other’s opinions is hard because we are hardwired to seek acceptance. But that is your work. When you decide that other people’s opinion of you is no longer your business, you can get to the business of showing up as you were gloriously made to be and doing the work you were put here on this earth to do with ease.
These are my lessons on letting go this year. I wanted to share them with you as we enter this fall season. I am so excited for what’s ahead for me and for you.
Let the leaves fall. Let the wind pick them up and blow them away. You are strong, majestic, and beautiful, put on this earth for a purpose. You have so much ahead of you. Even though everything didn’t work out as you imagined it would, there are things coming up for you that you never could have dreamed of. That’s how life works and that’s why it’s a gift. Thank you for spending some time with me today.
You deserve a healthy, loving relationship and it starts with You. Learn how to untangle Complex Shame™ and co-dependency to finally have the beautiful, secure relationship with yourself and others that you’ve always wanted.
Subscribe and as a thank you, I’ll send you the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™.
Life is what happens while we are busy making other plans. Change is hard. If only the good times would stay forever. Some women seem to be able to roll with the punches while others curl up in a fetal...
Most of us have dreams, ideas, passions that we would love to pursue. We think of them from time to time, then we tell ourselves, “but I can’t do that!” You make up a reason: I’m too old, I don’t...
A Letter to the Brave: Dear Brave Soul, Guilt, Blame, Shame, and Other Things We Aren’t Meant to Carry You probably don’t feel it right now. You may feel anything but. But you are brave—and you will be brave—because...
©2026 Dr. Zoe. Designed And Developed By Ogrelogic. Privacy Policy
