Are you that mom who would rather stick an icepick through your eye than talk to your teen daughter about sex (seriously, it doesn’t have to be that bad)? Or maybe the idea of sex conversations makes you squirm a little. We need to talk, girlfriend!
First, let’s talk about why you need to have the conversations. Notice I said conversations. This really should be an ongoing conversation that starts in pre-school. But if you are behind on the 8 ball and even if you fear that your daughter may have already had sex- take a deep breath. It’s going to be okay. It’s time to talk.
The reason why research has demonstrated that abstinence programs have not been successful (teens who participate in abstinence programs do not abstain at any higher rate that those who don’t) is because programs are concentrated, short period intensives. Adolescent sexuality lasts long after the abstinence program is finished. If ongoing conversations aren’t happening at crucial times, one program won’t be enough to tackle the pressures and desires your daughter is experiencing on a daily basis.
So, now that you know an abstinence program isn’t going to save you, it’s time to get really comfortable talking…Write comment (4 Comments)
Is this taboo? Can I talk about when this joyous thing called parenting is disappointing? Whether you have a newborn who is screaming all night or a 40 yr old adult child living downstairs, there comes a point (well, many of them maybe) when a parent thinks, wait- this sucks!
Before you get offended, let me acknowledge that talking about the not so great parts of parenting does not in any way negate the amazing, heart warming, life changing miracle that parenting is. It really is. But sometimes it is truly disappointing. Often, we parents take on way too much guilt, which of course only further impedes our good parenting moments.
We are never off the hook as parents, but that doesn't mean we are destined to a life of guilt, guilt, guilt.
So let's be real. Mom to mom. When you are having those super bad days and you want to know where you can go throw in the towel, stop, take a deep, slow, breath and try to find one thing that is good right now about your kid in this moment. It's there. I promise you.
Often, when we are feeling disappointed, it's not our kids we are disappointed in, but…Write comment (2 Comments)
Why does it feel so uncomfortable to talk about race and racism in this country? Deep down in our gut we know that something just isn’t right and that makes us squirm. Humans strive for internal consistency and when it’s not there, we become uncomfortable. A part of our mind knows that we are all really one family- the human race. The other part knows that we harbor some racism, or stereotypes or discriminatory thoughts. Yes, we do. This makes us uncomfortable. When we become uncomfortable, we actively avoid situations and information likely to increase it. So, it’s normal to feel that way. I invite you to feel it now and keep reading anyway.
There is something called multigenerational transmission process which just means that we unconsciously pass things down in families through the generations. Some things that get passed down are really great, some are really bad. We got dealt a really bad multigenerational hand of racism, fear, confusion and discrimination. And it is NOT our fault! We didn’t ask for this, but it is 100% our job to fix it! How did we become this way? We were taught. How do we stop it? Teach something different. But…Write comment (0 Comments)
I am not letting you off the hook as parents, but we seriously work way too hard sometimes. I’m talking about myself here.
Scenario: I just got back home from taking my son to school. I have a million things to do in the next hour. I get an urgent text from my son saying that he forgot his ipad on the kitchen island (AGAIN) and needs it ASAP (of course!).
Dilemma: I should really say no and let him learn his lesson, but it kills me that he will get an F because that assignment due today was on his ipad. Then my mind starts racing. This is highschool! If he gets an F, it will affect his GPA. He won’t be able to get into college. The next thing I know I have created a future for my son as a bum on the street. Then I start thinking about how that perfect mom (you know who she is) would bring him his ipad, or even better yet, she would have noticed it sitting there on the island and not let her son leave without it . I should be more like her. But wait, there’s more! If I don’t bring…Write comment (0 Comments)